hey jude

i slept at 1+ yesterday.woke arnd 7.30.cldnt sleep.got up to play the piano.hahahah.i was trying to sing it in F.original key..but the voice was shaky..yeah.so i watched youtube..lol.all the ppl tried to hit high f..sad to say.nt many succeeded..its easy to tell if macca is singing..first trait.he hits the high f..second..his "dont you know" that its just you..hahaha.special one.haha

there was a girl who sang it in A major..surprisingly.most ppl sing it in Eb, E or F.the girls sing either G# or A..i tried A major..very tiring..and i cant hit the highest note..duh.hahaha.if i can then..no point girls get a higher octave.yeah..i can hit F alr..but i dont knw if its falsetto..like half half.actually its very difficult la.i realised..and.lol.there are videos on youtube giving us the impression that "fking hell" was being said in the backgrnd halfway through the song.lol?

i think its time..almost time for me..to leave some things behind...you cant carry the past with you into the future..it weighs more than its supposed to weigh.i realised how well ive been for the past few days..not very well.whats the problem..i dont want to swear about it...im just sad la..

on my old blog..i talked about this shit many times..maybe close to 50 posts..im sick..im tired..im down..i dont want anything anymore.i just want peace..peace..peace...peace please.pretty please give me peace.its difficult to be yourself.and somebody else..jealousy, greed, anger..can we not have that please..someone help..

what do you want from me?

mm

what do i want from myself?

hah

once again.lol.many diff opinions.on how to make yourself happy.

they dont work for me.

i just shaved..again..i realised how much my hair grew in 2 days..and guess what..now i did a very very clean shave..i dont think the hair gonna come out soon enough.know what? i actually regret that.well you see..there were actually stubs on the left side of my chin..then..i was smart enough to do a side shave.and..look what happened..the stubs are gone..damn

hmm..i havent been through many sad things in life..everything i did..i did after thinking.this is one sad case.bloody sad.

oh and guess what..my left sideburn not as shaven..so.i have to reshave.re wash.re dry.haiz..damn.seriously..my condition not that sad la..but i really havent been through enough sad things to deal with this one..

hope it turns out well.yeah?

hah

hmm..i made a few promises to myself this holidays..and some things to do.

one.brush up my hokkien
two.no vulgarities.
three.bonding with teammates
four.drive.
five.have fun.
six.not to tell a lie.
seven."compose" something.even if it is just a ten second riff.it must be unique.special.
eight.understand more about music..omg..so many mysteries.unsolved
nine.play lots of basketball
ten.grow a beard.
eleven.have a meaningful birthday.
twelve.cure the sleep disorder.
thirteen.stamina and endurance training.
fourteen.peace

thats about it.fourteen most impt stuff this holidays.what have i accomplished so far.no lies.stamina and endurance training.thats all..and stamina and endurance training was sort of a slack kind..well.we gotta start somewhere.

so what have i not done..hmm.no vulgarities were rather ok la..i dont use the f word anymore..i havent drived.havent had fun.havent composed..havent played bball alot.havent grown a beard.havent had a meaningful birthday.yet.havent cured the sleep disorder.havent had peace.

the beard part really not my fault la..i cannt ask them to grow faster..sleep disorder.oh well i guess it was really impossible to deal with from the start..i havent slept past 8.30 for a long time.yeah..very long.as long as i sleep before 2.i'll always wake before 8.30..if i sleep after 2 its a diff case.lol.even so, i'd probably wake up sometime arnd..9+..haahahah.since sec 2, i have not woke up to see the clock read 10 before.10 is the max..haiz..i rmb sec 1.i cld sleep at 9 and still wake at 10..so happy.i cant sleep more than 8 hours now...haiz.its not insomnia..cos i can sleep..i CAN sleep.but cannt wake late.

actually..all the thirteen things lead up to the fourteenth one..if i accomplish all of those, i'll get fourteen -> peace...

hah..im yawning alr.see the whole point about this is, i cant fall asleep.and yet i feel tired in the day.its only been 4 hrs since i woke up..lol.how lame.yeah yeah.

well.i have nth to do alr..i dont want to finish watching heroes..since its not finished..lol.i stopped at 8 of season 2.and maybe i'll start watching again when new epis come out..i dont want to watch till ten and find out that i have no more left to watch.hahah.now i really have nth to watch la..i checked program guide..today tv seriously.omg..so..i got nth to do..i dont want to play games..i dont want to go to town alone..for what? buy what? do what? i got really nth much i wanna buy actually.oh..but my wallet.spoilt.alr.1 year only la.so..what can i do..i'll just waste this day away..oh come on..tell me sth i can do..tell me..

damn..whatever..im just pure tired.who cares.

bad things happen all the time.accept it..live it.its just fate really.

make it better

its so fast..the hols havent even started for me..seriously.i dont find this very holidayish..whats so holidayish about this..gah.i just ended exams arnd 2 to 3 weeks ago..and now.4 weeks.and its back to school.wth?

i shaved twice yesterday..first time cos i felt really..err.dirty.unshaven and all..second time..because i missed out some parts during my first shave..i thought i did a very clean one alr.moustache no problem..but i cant get the hair off the chin..i shaved the sideburns.but they grow fast like any crap.wht can i do about that..seriously, i want a beard..but i want the one that covers the whole of your face..sth like that.

http://home.att.net/~chuckayoub/Paul_McCartney_biography.html

sth like this one..but then again..i read that its really up to genetics whether we can have a long long beard..hmm.should be no problem from my mom's side of the family..i remember seeing how much chest hair my grandfather had..err.its sth i cant describe off hand..cos..its just too hard to do.hahah.its just alot..but from dad's side.im not sure.ok.ive never seen my father having beard..cos he shaves all the time.he isnt as hairy la.but i guess..if its genetics, i should be able to do it.giving it a count..i havent shaved many times really..i started shaving only this year.start of prelims..i dont shave every week..so i guess up to now.maybe 10 or less?ok la..not so little.10 to 15 times la.thats like..super little.but.hahaah.my hair is growing at an amazing rate now..at least..its growing faster than before..i shaved yesterday..it was clean.but now, i can feel the hair on my chin alr..even though i shaved it twice..really.great.

yeah.went out today...wasnt too fun.i wasnt feeling really great..esp since i slept really late last night..and had to wake up really early to pia theory..i had a terrible headache..the coffee sorta helped..nt alot though..hitman wasnt too bad..the whole point is..its one of the first nc16 movies ive watched.rather cool..since im not 16.yet.

hmm..have you ever looked at your life like..a ppt? saw everything flash by.poof..you're here..have you ever wondered? if you had a second chance, what wld you have done at that instance you needed to do sth? cld you have made a difference? you think so? well..i guess life is a one way ppt..you type the words, you cant undo it..theres no ctrl + z...gone means.gone.you can go through the slides over and over..you can never undo it.what you can do..is make the rest of the slides a good show..so that you can make up for the mistakes at the start.

well..sometimes people cannt take certain truths..and they hide from it.it takes some guts to solve problems..you dont just run away unless you've reached the limits of your ability to solve the problem...i dont even knw why im saying this in the first place..i guess all the free time has finally made me think...all these ppl i know..evryone of them.somehow its just fate...hahahaha.its just unbelievable..too cool.

hmm..when i was out today.i was at the mrt station when i saw something..someone actually.she was just some girl.some girl i cldnt rmb who..rather tall..rather loud.i didnt realise who she was..till i went out.came home..and when i saw that spot she was standing on hours before..i finally realised who she was..guess what.she was just someone i saw at rtc bus stop..very long ago.gahh.wth? why wld i rmb this..and its not something i rmb you knw..its just some sub concious memory.if i can remember something as useless as this..i cld have put my memory to better use memorising some chemistry.

someone insignificant, something insignificant..its all part of your life.

i really missed the times when there were no troubles..i dont wanna go into the "we went into hc as little weak boys and became men" part..because that is just so..cliche is such a cliche word to use.but seriously.i loved the journey.one thing i'll nvr forget..the way the team was formed..12 men team..the dream.the hopes.totally coincidental..i mean..

others, their teams are formed just so naturally.they choose where they wanna go.they get into their cca.they get great teammates.they form bonds.but ours? hahahahaha.long story man..our sec 2 team.my fav batch.eddy,kjh,dx,tzin,daniel,kng,ah lu,sh,ricky,laoniu,me,yw..what the? all in numerical order.of all these ppl.i think only eddy and tzin were in bball from the start.

jh ec3.dx ncc.daniel,kng,sh,ricky,laoniu,yw track..lol.although all different timings..sh was first? then kng.laoniu, daniel, ricky then yw..ah lu from canoeing.my case abit more complicated..you cld say.i was a free agent..no cca..nth.no goal in life..actually i had a cca.but i nvr went.one day i was into bball.suddenly everything changed..i love everything about bball and the team and coach.it was all crazy..now i think about all the trainings we had in sec 2..oh my..i rmb almost every training.what happened..what we learnt.hahahah.isnt it cool? but what was cool was..this team was assembled from nth at all..i wldnt say we were the batch who brought glory to the school.because truth be told, we didnt do that well..but, at least we started making name for ourselves..a turning pt.random gathering of ppl..i rmb we werent even gelled la during the start..everybody on his own..small cliques.no team spirit.it all changed..when we tasted victories and losses.together.

hahaha im tired..not only tired physically..im just tired.as a person.i want to feel that peace i felt a few days ago..like everything was just fine..no need for planning..no need for plotting.everything would go the right way.

hmm.my hair getting really long.2 choices.but actually 1.1st choice i have.wax/gel and style.2nd choice cut my hair..but guess what? super strong hold also cannt hold my hair..so? whats the point if it cant hold my hair up.i guess i'll cut it..i have to.before i leave.

cherish the ppl arnd you

bye

this is madness

we cant compose songs anymore..whatever little riff you come up with, you'll just find that..maybe few years ago somebody already wrote that piece of music..i THOUGHT i thought up of a new melody..i mean..i didnt think it was exclusive, but at least i didnt think it was made into pop songs..i wrote that song (wrote is not appropriate, but i dont knw what to use) and a few days ago, i heard it on the tv..like wth.i "wrote" it before the song was written by the singer.i checked it..and im sure this isnt cryptomnesia..i have not heard that tune b4 when i was thinking up the little riff..i was just..yeah.lets play some canon base and see what i can get..then poof.hey..this thing sounds great..brings out an emo touch.and yeah..happy during the chorus.i was so excited..though i didnt tell anybody about it and i didnt want to like..show off..cos it really wasnt anything to be show offed about..it was just a riff..BUT..i was so proud of it cos it was the first err work that i thought up of.

turns out, someone sold it as a pop song..well how great is that.GREAT..totally.hm.well everybody has the right to think up of songs..the question is who gets to sell it..i dont.

ok..right now im working on sth new..but its just like cryptomnesia all over again..i mean..hows that.i start playing on some chord progressions.suddenly i think of something.IM LIKE.GREAT!!! take out recorder.quickly.record this beautiful thing..then after i finish..i realise it resembles songs ive heard..not exactly.but i am very particular about movements..not so much on the right handed running notes but rather the whole backbone of the piece..yeah?? so the backbone is almost similiar..identical.start from scratch lo.i cant stand playing something which sounds something like a pop song..then when ppl hear my so called "composition" they say it sounded like sth sth sth someone sang.

im unlike macca..he woke up with yesterday in his head..he had the tune..i practise playing my music.both on piano and guitar..i go to sleep DREAMING of practising.and i wake up with those same tunes in my head..how cool is that? not at all i can tell you.i enjoy making music..but i am despaired when i think about how different my piece has to be to make it special.

watching heroes..taught me quite alot..yeah.really.not only that someone can chiong an entire series in arnd 2 days..but also that..its not easy to change sth..even if you know its gonna happen.hahaha..i dont paint the future or bend time..but.some things, they are predictable..i KNOW they're going to happen..and yet i cldnt stop them..i knew exactly that THAT would happen.but i cldnt stop it..i cldnt at all..i saw it coming..i saw it coming long before it came.long long ago.i even told ppl about it..i guess they didnt realise that it happened.yeah..they simply didnt.

so actually im rather confused.am i walking into the future..or am i really creating my future in a wrong way.in other words..is the path laid out for me? or am i thinking that its laid out for me and that im currently walking down that way..thinking i cant change it..

well whatever.i dont understand alot..but at least i know his plot..the backbone of it at least.ok.

what ppl need is proof.they never believe stuff until they have proof..the best substitute is trust..its hard to find trust nowdays isnt it.

well..good thing is..i just saved my guitar..it was leaned against my comp table..and when i accidentally banged into the table.my guitar almost fell..i was lucky i saved it..second thing.a bad thing.there is this mosquito flying arnd..and i cant catch it right now.so im going to sleep before it sucks me.YEAH I CAUGHT IT..lol.ok so the above para was rather uesless.

today was fun..family outing day to queens.cool.

my bros' tcher was rather nice..she gave us free guitar strings since i requested a change.hhahahah.

yeah..

bye

Dedicated to the number 14